Dear Ask A Nanny,
I admit it. I have two wives. One on Park Avenue and one in Tribeca. It's a long story. There was a gambling debt. And then there was this guy I met at the carwash, and well anyway, now I have two wives. But that's only part of the problem. One of them is named Irene and the other one, the Tribeca one, is named Eileen. I feel like I've got dylexia cause of the name confusion. I'm handling all the other things fine, but I'm obsessed with worry about mispronouncing Irene and calling her Eileen or calling Eileen Irene. I can't sleep at night and I'm having bad dreams. Can you help?
Yours truly,
Tongue-Tied Uptown and Downtown
Dear Tonque-Tied,
First, I must remind you that bigamy is illegal, unless, of course one of your marriages was not legal, in which case you are just having an affair which is a sin in the eyes of your maker, but in Tribeca at least, no big deal. Second, it seems to me that in your wish to punish yourself for this, you intentionally chose two women with confusing names. Why not Irene and Gretyl? Or Eileen and Artemis? Very suspicious. Instead of having double the fun you are having double trouble. I suggest that you buy each of your wives gold necklaces with their names spelled out in diamonds and ask them never to remove them as a token of your committment. That way you will never make a mistake as long as you leave the lights on. Also, always carry a small flashlight.
Sincerely,
Ask A Nanny
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1 comments:
dear Tongue--What's da big deal? Ya got two wives wit da same name. Trust me--da vowwells don't mean nuttin--theys interchangeable. Which means: ya got two wives names EAN or someting like dat. I agree wit Nanny Molly dat diamonds is in order. But i wouldn'w orry about the bigger me. Sometimes you Big (if ya get my drift) sometimes ya ain't. Wit two wives ya gotta conserve yerself.
I hope dis helps you. If not, I'm sending da bill anyways.
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