Dear Ask a Nanny:
I am humiliated that I am posting this on the internet for everyone and his brother to see. I hope no one knows who I am even though it is obvious that I am married to Hal McMurton and live in Dayton, Ohio. I will just deal with it and talk to my pastor when the talk spreads. But, I am desperate and need your help. I've tried Oprah, Dr. Phil and they didn't do much in spite of the trips for appearances on the shows, and the free therapy, signed books and nutrition supplements. You are my last resort. Okay, here goes. (I'm taking a deep breath). Okay.
I had a dream about a man I work with in the trucking company. Don't hate me. It was not a nice dream because we are both married. But not to each other. And we were ... kissing and such. There, I said it! I am mortified. Next, I'll be going into a 7-11 and shooting up the place. This is the beginning of the end, I'm sure. What do I do to stop this downward amoral spiral?
Yours truly,
Guilty in Dayton
Dear Guilty in Dayton,
It sounds as if you have already thrown in the towel, in this case the lacy Victoria's Secret garterbelt and bustier. May I suggest a fast of several weeks and the repeated use of a flogging device which will raise uncomfortable welts on your back? You seem to crave punishment for your bad thoughts. However, Mrs. Guilty in Dayton, appearing on Oprah and Dr. Phil is not punishment. It is indulgence. Trips, hotel stays, meals, expert make up and cookies in the Green Room, being on national television and getting to touch Oprah and Dr. Phil in the flesh. Is that really what you call suffering? It would be suffering if they had ebola or something, but they don't as far as we know.
So let's find out about the gentleman in your dream. Is he a big handsome Teamster? Does he wear clothes that show his large muscled frame? Or is he a beer-bellied slob with a day's growth of beard? Your answer may tell you what you want to do. Remember, what goes on in your head, just like Vegas, stays in your head. Therefore, the only real solution is that you have a torrid and raptuous tryst with the Teamster and stop telling people about it. Hubby is no worse for it and you will find sexual satisfaction at long last.
Best to you,
Ask A Nanny
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1 comments:
Listen Guilty, forget about what Nannny Molly says--I KNOWS FROM EXPERIENCE--all of Dayton knows now yous a slut including Hal (what a name! Short for halarious??) What happens in dreams usually circulates like Britney at the club scene! Girl, yours Id (which is the stuff your dreams are made of, like latex in brassieres) is overworkin. It neeeds fresh air and some seltza. Find a man who is not Halarious and--as da kids say--hook up. Then unhook. You'll be cured and Dayton can move onto the next slut to tawk about.
(who da hell are des nuts whos writin in?)
Nanny Tina , First in Pscyi--- First in Sychia---first in Head Shrinking
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