My mother is funny

Dear Ask A Nanny,
My mother is funny. I don't mean ha,ha funny, I mean unusual as in real weird. She sleeps all day and goes around vacuuming all night. I can't do my school work because she is running the electrolux when I am trying to get some rest after homework and band practice and tennis practice and studying for my college boards next year. She never takes a shower and she only wears brown no kidding only brown. Dad left a long time ago. I don't know what to do to help her or me. I will never get into an Ivy League school. What do I do?
Thank you very much.
Yours truly,
Martin Windemerkin
RFD #1
Warren, PA

Dear Mr. Windemerkin,
You do have a challenge with this unique mother! Simply put -- you don't mind my candor I hope -- The problem is the brown. She must change her wardrobe. It is holding her back and like a dog chasing his tail, she is lost in a cycle of bad color. It probably isn't even flattering, is it? During one of her down times, go into her closet and take all her clothes away replacing them with reds, blues, and greens. Don't go near black. She isn't ready for it. Tell her when she wakes that the Color Police ticketed her and you did it to spare her a long prison term. Let me know if this works.
Sincerely,
Ask A Nanny